


One Little Kiss

by ArgentNoelle



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Suicide Squad (2016)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Kissing, M/M, Making Up, No Smut, Pet Names, Romantic Fluff, canon-typical abuse, this story is ship inclusive - no ships will be bashed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 09:38:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13567866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArgentNoelle/pseuds/ArgentNoelle
Summary: Harley wants to kiss Batman, but figuring out how to do so might pose a bit of a problem.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place "technically" in Suicide Squad 'verse, probably disregards the rest of the DCEU, and takes a lot of character influence from BTAS.

Batman looked down at Harley’s unmoving form. He’d managed to pull her from the water in only a few minutes, but she had already been unmoving when he did… Batman made a face and leaned down to give her CPR. At the touch of his lips Harley opened her eyes. Batman moved away, giving her a dark glare, but she just swung upright, laughing merrily. “Gotcha!” she said.

_Not again_ , he thought.

So perhaps it wasn’t a surprise that he began waiting longer and longer to determine Harley was in mortal danger and not playing possum. _Still hasn’t moved_ , he mused, checking the time. Three minutes was long, even for her. Batman, belatedly, began to get worried. He felt for a pulse and pushed down onto her ribcage, watching water spurt from her throat. A few more times, wincing as her ribs cracked as he pounded, and he opened her mouth and bent down to administer CPR. For a moment it looked like he would be too late. _Damn it_ , he thought. _You knew this would happen. You have to treat every time like it could be real_. He’d gotten sloppy. But then, at last, she began to breathe, and a moment later Harley’s eyes fluttered open woozily.

“Hey,” she said. She tried to sit up, and Batman helped her. She clutched at her middle. “Ow.”

“You cracked a rib,” Batman said.

Harley nodded and breathed for a moment.

“I’ll take you to the hospital,” Batman said.

“Gimme a moment,” Harley said. Then she smiled. “At least you finally got to save me!”

Batman rolled his eyes. “I waited for three minutes before I even tried.”

“What?!” Harley asked, and broke into a bout of coughing.

“Maybe you should stop faking,” Batman added.

Harley frowned. “But—” she said.

Batman sighed.

“You know, if you want to kiss me that much, you could just _do it_. I’m not entirely opposed to kissing villains,” he added, ironically.

“I couldn’t!” Harley protested. “I wouldn’t cheat on my Puddin’ like that!”

Batman gave her a very unimpressed look. “So instead you’ll risk your life and try to get me to kiss you, then turn it into a joke.”

Harley shrugged.

“Can you stand?” Batman asked at last.

“Oh, sure,” Harley said breezily. “I’ve been through worse!” She tried to get up and wobbled on her feet before Batman put an arm around her. “Thanks,” she said quietly.

He lead her to the Batmobile and he let go of her once he was sure she had a steady hold on the door. He started to walk round to the other side when Harley spoke. “Hey B-man,” she said. He stopped and turned.

“Yes?”

“I been thinkin’ about what you said,” Harley continued. “An’ I decided.” She leaned over the open door to grab his arm and tug him closer. Batman waited while she gave him a speculative look, then reached up on her tiptoes to give him a small kiss.

A moment passed. “Happy now?” Batman asked drily.

Harley frowned in concentration, then, with a shrug, she jumped up, flinging her arms around his neck, and proceeded to kiss him thoroughly. When they at last stopped for breath Harley grinned. “What about that?” she asked.

“Better than CPR,” Batman said, deadpan. Harley laughed. “Yep,” she said. “I could tell you’d be a good kisser.”

Batman smirked. “Get in the car,” he said. “You’ve already aggravated your injuries enough.”

Harley stuck her tongue out at him before sliding into the seat and pulling the door shut behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

Harley cleared her throat. “So…” she said. “I have somethin’ I thought I oughta tell you.”

“What is it?” Joker asked. He had finished making plans and was currently sorting crayons back into their proper places. Harley watched him drop the last one in. She swallowed. “Well…” she said.

“I might’ve kissed Batman.”

“What?” Joker looked at her blankly for a moment. Harley smiled nervously, glad they had the table between them. “I, uh, I might’vekissedBatman?”

“YOU DID WHAT?!”

Harley winced in sympathy as Joker sent the table flying. He stalked over to her. “Tell me you’re joking,” he growled.

“No joke, Mr. J,” Harley said quietly. She braced for the slap that sent her spinning across the room and then sat up, her head spinning, while she watched Joker trash the house. After some time he seemed to realize she was still there and turned to her. “Get out!” he shouted. “I never want to see you again! Do you hear me! Why aren’t you moving!” He threw a lamp toward her and Harley did a quick somersault out of the way.

“Okay, Mr. J, I’m going,” she said, trying to edge toward the door, but her voice seemed to make him madder than ever. He picked up the coat hanger with a scream and launched it toward her. Harley squeaked and ran toward the door, slamming it shut just in time to hear the coat hanger crash into it.

“And stay out!” he yelled.

Harley waited a few hours before creaking the door back open and peering inside. The whole room was torn apart, top to bottom, and Joker was nowhere in sight. She tiptoed inside, until she got to his study. The door was cracked open, and she could see him slashing her pictures (he had a lot of them) with a knife and throwing them on the floor.

Harley sighed, and tiptoed back out.

When she ventured back a few hours later, Joker was slumped over his desk with a bottle of scotch, throwing darts at a picture of her face.

Harley waited until the scotch was gone, a few hours had passed, and Joker was groaning into his arms.

Harley walked quietly in and pulled out a seat across from him. Joker looked up to glare at her, and she smiled brightly. “I made ya somethin’ for your hangover,” she said, pushing a glass toward him. Joker peered down at it doubtfully, then drank it down in a single gulp.

“What are you doing here,” he said tiredly. “I thought I told you to leave.”

“I’m not leaving till I explain myself,” Harley said. Joker groaned.

“You know I never did anything else but kiss him,” she started.

“Hmph,” Joker said.

“I only ever want to be with you,” she continued, taking his hand gently in her own. “I told ya I’d live for ya, and I still mean it. It’s just… you know… sometimes you just wanna kiss a guy.”

Joker pulled his hand away and glared at her.

“He’s cute,” Harley protested.

“Batman is not cute,” Joker said, with dignity.

“Really,” said Harley. “Not even a little?”

Joker frowned.

“Not even a bit? Not the tiniest teensy bit?”

“Fine,” Joker said at last. He stood up. “But I still don’t like you kissing him, when—”

“When you don’t get to?” Harley asked bluntly.

Joker stared at her. “That wasn’t what I was going to say.”

“But that’s the problem, isn’t it. If I told you I kissed some random dude you wouldn’t even care,” Harley continued.

“Yes I would,” Joker interjected, but Harley barreled on.

“You don’t care if I sleep with Ivy,” she added.

Joker snorted. Harley ignored him.

“—But it’s Batman, so you’re jealous. Well I’ll tell you, Batman doesn’t care. He likes kissing people too, you know. It doesn’t mean anything serious.”

“All right, Harley, I get the picture,” Joker began.

“No, you listen,” Harley said. “I kissed him, and he was okay with that. Have _you_ ever tried?”

“No!” Joker said.

“Then you have no reason to be jealous.”

Joker turned away. “I can’t, you know,” he mumbled.

“Why not?”

“It’s easy for you. But we’ve got too much history.”

“So? It doesn’t work, he punches your lights out, how is that any different from what usually goes on?” Harley said. She stood up and scooched her chair back in.

“There’s a line,” Joker said. “It’s not part of the game.”

“You mean you’re scared. You don’t know what would happen. You couldn’t keep it casual.” She walked over to him. “Hey, I get that,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. “I’m a psychiatrist, remember?” she winked. “An’ I’m not gonna tell you what’s a better idea.” She shrugged. “’Cause I dunno. But you just gotta remember, what you don’t do, it’s not ‘cause you can’t, it’s ‘cause you made a choice.”

After a moment, the Joker relaxed in her arms, and she nuzzled into the side of his neck. Finally Joker chuckled. “You always do know what to say, Harley-Girl,” he murmured fondly. He pulled her onto his lap, sliding down to the floor, and she squealed in surprise, giggling a bit. With a sparkle in her eye, Harley leaned forward, taking his mouth with her own, and the Joker reciprocated the kiss, playfully teasing, before finally growling under his breath as it became more heated. Before long, he pulled off her shirt, and Harley squirmed in expectation. Yeah, this was going to be good.

It was.

Finally, she and the Joker progressed to putting back _on_ all of the clothing they’d ripped off, and Harley sighed in satisfaction as she watched her Puddin’, looking as gorgeous as anything. He looked around the room, as though noticing the carnage for the first time, and frowned at the sight of the smashed pictures, giving her a small, guilty glance. Harley rolled her eyes with a tolerant smile. This was why she kept digital copies.

“Well!” Joker said, as they stood up. “What about a night on the town, Pumpkin?”

“Hmmm… maybe,” Harley drawled. “Ya think you can make it up to me? It better be good.”

“Nothing but the best for my doll,” Joker said, kissing her outstretched hand. Harley flashed him a smile, already imagining what surprise he would be planning.

“But one more thing,” Joker added, suddenly serious. Harley straightened up to attention. “Yeah Boss?”

“If you ever kiss Batman again…” Joker said meaningfully.

Harley gulped.

“…You better let me watch.”

Harley blinked, and then, she started to smile.


End file.
